Movin’ On Up

17 05 2010

Well, we’ve been hinting here and there that there were some changes in the works, and it looks like the time has finally come – we’re moving! We decided to get all fancy and official and we went and got an honest to goodness site. Please come and visit our new digs at www.elandlo.com – we’re pretty happy with the way everything turned out, thanks in no small part to Kona. So, go ahead and update your readers and bookmarks, or else you’re going to miss out on all the insanity.





A Convo With El & Lo RE: Faulty Logic

14 05 2010

So, unicorns are real too?

Elizabeth: So, I’m pretty smart
but there are a couple of things that kinda blow my mind
Lauren: Yesh
Elizabeth: one of them is Jello
Lauren: Magnets??
Oh
Elizabeth: haha, no
another is narwhals
Lauren: NARWHALS!
You know, Brian didn’t think they were an actual thing.
Elizabeth: haha, um, me neither
and then I was watching a nature program
that totally featured them
Lauren: Aaaand? What did you learn?
That you need one?
Elizabeth: yes
I learned that they actually exist
and their horns have lots of nerve endings and can sense temperature and currents and stuff like that to help them navigate
Lauren: Just like mine!
Elizabeth: wait, what?
Lauren: Oh, nevermind.
What else?
Elizabeth: um, they swim close together
but, back up a sec
do you have a horn?
a navigational horn??
Lauren: Umm…nnoooooooo.
Elizabeth: WHAT THE FRICK
Lauren: Um. This is awkward.
Elizabeth: It really is.
OMG
new band name
RAWKWARD
Lauren: YESSSSSSSSSSS
Elizabeth: I really need someone to fund a think tank for me
a think tank of awesome
Lauren: When I win the lotto…
Elizabeth: and, I’m thinking I want it to be an actual tank
Lauren: Well, yeah.
Elizabeth: either fish or military vehicle
I’m not picky
I can be like Sandy Squirrel
or Tank Girl
Lauren: I was thinking more like a Dunk Tank.
Or a Drunk Tank.
Elizabeth: haha
Lauren: (Which is jail, so nevermind that one.)
Elizabeth: I had a conversation with someone about how being in jail would probably be better than my current life
Lauren: Hmm.
Elizabeth: they have libraries
and my family can only visit me at specific times
Lauren: Ah.
Elizabeth: seriously
I’m pretty sure that qualifies as “livin’ the dream”
I could become a lawyer!
AND IT IS ALWAYS SOFTPANTS TIME
Lauren: Hmm.
Elizabeth: c’mon
that shit is awesome
Lauren: Yes, but…prison.
The only alcohol is prison wine.
Elizabeth: yeah, that’s a downside
Lauren: And the food is terrible.
Elizabeth: sure
but, laying in bed for like 20 hours a day reading sounds like the business
Lauren: You’d have to poo in full view of others.
Elizabeth: I’ve already thought of that
and I’d wake up in the middle of the night to go
Lauren: People are awake in the middle of the night in prison.
Elizabeth: but the lights are out
Lauren: They can hear you.
Elizabeth: I will sob loudly so they just think I’m having bad dreams
or scream hysterically
Lauren: Still, I’m not sure you’ve really thought this through.
Elizabeth: all I’m saying is, if it happened, I think I could roll with it
Lauren: And that’s a good outlook to have. Since you’re probably going upstate for all the swindling.
Elizabeth: truth





Strawberry Muffins are Fucking Good.

12 05 2010

Insert dirty muffin joke here.

So, I know I’ve discussed here before about how I’m a child of the Great Depression. My biggest pet peeve is wasting food. I will cram any sort of leftover produce about to turn bad into anything that I am making, whether it is burgers or some halfassed bowl of oatmeal. This time, the victim was about a pound of strawberries I had bought because they were on sale and I had lofty aspirations of feeding myself a bowl of homemade whipped cream with strawberries, possibly drizzled in bittersweet chocolate. Then I remembered I used all of my bittersweet chocolate to make Irish Carbomb Cupcakes for my friend Alex’s surprise birthday celebration. While that chocolate definitely went to a good cause, I was pissed anyway because OMG FUCKING STRAWBERRIES, WHIPPED CREAM, AND CHOCOLATE. So I got mad and forgot about the strawberries til I went to Kroger again last night and got some asparagus. Whilst placing the asparagus tenderly in its crisper, I noticed the strawberries. They beckoned, “Eat us! Eat us before we moooooooold!” Terrified of the prospect of (god forbid) wasting food, I hopped on to ye olde Google to find a recipe involving strawberries. I finally decided on muffins, mainly because I watched Betty White host SNL over the weekend and saw this and was grossed out, then laughed hysterically. So strawberry muffins it was! I got the recipe off of Allrecipes, but made quite a few additions, so I’ll post it here. These are easy, and FUCKING DELICIOUS. I recommend making them STAT.

Fucking Good Strawberry Muffins (adapted from Allrecipes)

  • 1/4 cup canola or vegetable oil
  • 1/2 cup milk (I’m thinking coconut milk might also be delicious)
  • 1 egg
  • 1/4 cup sour cream
  • 1-2 tsp. vanilla
  • 1 3/4 cup AP flour
  • 1/2 cup sugar (I used white, but I think brown would be nice too)
  • 2 tsp. baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp. salt
  • 1/2-1 tsp. ground ginger
  • 1 cup chopped strawberries (I used most of the 1 lb. container, if that helps?)
  1. Preheat oven to 375. Grease 12-cup muffin tin.
  2. In small bowl, whisk together wet ingredients, through vanilla. In large bowl, whisk together dry ingredients, through ground ginger.
  3. Using a rubber spatula, pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients. Mix til just combined, then mix in the strawberries.
  4. Pour evenly into muffin tin. Bake for….oh, about 23-25 minutes. Let them hang out in the tin for about 10 minutes, then put them on a rack to cool completely. If you haven’t eaten them all already. Because they are that fucking good.

The Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak! Rat-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tatata!






Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll: A Mother’s Day Book Review by Lo.

9 05 2010

Nope. They're still opposite of cute.

Hey guys! I read sometimes! And in the past 2 months, I read *2* books! This is a BIG deal! I can’t stop using exclamation points! [calms self] PHEW. Okay, that’s better. So, the 2 books I read were completely different in style and genre, but had a common thread of the Rolling Stones. Which kind of surprised me in the second book (not so much in the first, as there is a photo of the band on the cover. I’m astute.) The first book is called Sway: A Novel by Zachary Lazar. It’s…weird. In an awesome way. It’s historical fiction, which you know I looooooooove (hello Marie Antoinette!!), and threads together the Stones, avant garde filmmaker Kenneth Anger, and the Manson family. While I’m sure the amount of sex, drugs, and rock & roll are fairly accurate, other facts are made up. Lazar writes the novel in a way that makes you feel like you’re kind of on drugs, regardless of whether or not you are (full disclosure: I was not). I’m not going to give away any plot points, mainly because I spent the majority of the book kind of confused about what the hell was going on. But this is not a criticism: it really adds to the chaos and the ever-present theme of death (and, uh, drugs.) Also, even though she was a big ol’ heroin addict and willingly had sex with Keith Richards, I kind of want to be Anita Pallenberg. So, I totally recommend it, but keep in mind that, you know, drugs.

The second book I read was Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress by Susan Gilman. I fucking loved this book. It’s a memoir, which is a genre I may love more than historical fiction. I am very nosy, and biographies and memoirs let me be nosy under the guise of wanting to learn new things. Make no mistake: I really can’t mind my own business. ANYWAY. This book had me nearly pissing myself from laughing. Susan Gilman takes us through her childhood, adolescence, and adulthood weaving tales of her batshit nuts parents, her propensity towards lying for sport, a journalism assignment to concentration camps, and her adolescent infatuation with the Rolling Stones (including a minor stalking incident and a completely true story wherein her 15 year self actually meets Mick Jagger thanks to a friend’s well-connected parents). Her take on life is not dissimilar to my own, especially in her description of her teenage years. Gilman is hilarious, her parents are hilarious, and the situations in which she finds herself are, yes, fucking hilarious. It was a great way to follow up the heaviness of Sway, and is also a great way to relive the childhood you wish you’d had. Oh, and to revive your obsession with the Stones. AMIRITE??

Happy Mother’s Day!





So Many Things

27 04 2010

You guys, so much stuff is going on right now.  Hockey, birthdays, Lady Gaga, weddings, classes, insomnia – all of these are sucking our time and energy.  But even with all of this going on, we’re also working on some big stuff here at the ol’ Triple-B Ranch (I’m not sure if I approve of what I just said) that we’ll be rolling out over the next couple of weeks.  We’re super excited.  And the first thing we’re debuting is the one we least understand!!  We’re on TWITTER.  We’re going to start a-twattering all about interesting and funny things that are also useful and important.  I’m pretty sure that if you start “following” us, your life will improve exponentially.  And chances are, we’ll follow you too!  And possibly mock you mercilessly – which is why you love us.  As an added bonus – something very funny happened to Lo today at work…and you’ll only be able to find out what it was @elandlo.  You may want to finish whatever you’re drinking first – you’ve been warned!





Stop Whatever You Are Doing and Make These Brownies.

25 04 2010

I like to entertain. A lot. Since I’ve had a kid, it’s a tetch more difficult to go out and get hammered at bars anymore, so I like to throw casual little dinners where people can come to me and get hammered. Or just delightfully tipsy. So last weekend I had some people over and made some drool-worthy steak fajitas. (Not to toot my own horn, but MAN, they were fucking delicious. The secret is to put the lime juice on AFTER you take the steak off the grill or frying pan. Ta-DA!) My friend Leigh was coming over too, and she isn’t really a big sweets person, but loves her some brownies. I’ve been using the ATK Lunchbox Brownie recipe for quite some time and I love it, but I just get so boooooooooooored sometimes. They’re perfectly acceptable, fudgy and cakey and they take well to add-ins. But, you know, boredom. I’d read on someone’s blog post some time ago about a Dorie Greenspan recipe that I’d never tried. Being someone who describes herself as a “batter whore,” I was intrigued because they were described as being really fucking fudgy, almost to the point of not being thoroughly cooked. DING! SOOOOOOLD to the batter whore in the back. So I made them. And 5 of us polished off nearly the entire goddamn 9×9″ pan in one night. I put my own little Mexican chocolate spin on them, and, well, yes. These were unfuckingbelievable. Leigh is making me make them for her upcoming birthday. I want to make them every day and roll around on the floor with glee. I want to marry these brownies. I want to spend a day in bed with a spoon and these brownies and a series of my favorite movies. I want to sing to them “Always and Forever” over and over again because they are that good. No lie. I will say to pay attention to the directions, as they’re a little different from your run-of-the-mill brownie directions. So stop watching The Tudors, or eating a bowl of Life, or knitting something for your grandmother and make these. DO IT! (Oh, also, one cool thing about these is that they were originally created for Julia Child!)

Rick Katz’ Brownies for Julia (from Dorie Greenspan’s Baking: From My Home to Yours)

  • 1 cup AP flour
  • 1 tsp. salt
  • 1 heaping tsp. cinnamon
  • 1/4 tsp. chipotle powder
  • 2 sticks unsalted butter, cut into 16 pieces
  • 4 oz. unsweetened chocolate, chopped
  • 2 oz. bittersweet chocolate, chopped
  • 2 cups sugar
  • 1 tsp. vanilla
  • 4 large eggs
  1. Preheat oven to 350. Put a 9×9″ baking pan on a baking sheet. (Note it doesn’t say to butter it up at all.)
  2. Whisk together the flour, salt, cinnamon, and chipotle.
  3. Put butter and chocolate into a double boiler. Stir until melted, but don’t let the butter separate. Remove from heat, stir in 1 cup of sugar and vanilla.
  4. Put the remaining 1 cup of sugar into the bowl of an electric mixer and stir in the eggs with a whisk.
  5. NOW. This is where shit gets tricky. Take half of the egg/sugar mix and pour it ever so slowly into the chocolate mixture using a rubber spatula. Make sure you do it slowly so you don’t ruin everything by cooking the eggs.
  6. Go back to the remaining egg/sugar mixture in the bowl of the electric mixer and, using the whisk attachment (or a hand mixer if you’re sans Kitchen Aid), beat it for about 3 minutes until it doubles in volume.
  7. Very lightly and using a rubber spatula, fold the whipped eggs into the chocolate. Lightly sprinkle the dry ingredients over the chocolate and mix juuuuuuuuuuust until its folded in.
  8. Pour the batter into the pan and bake for 25-28 minutes. The top will look dry, but the insides will be ooey-gooey awesomeness. Attempt to eat one at a time, but fail miserably.

I really love Google Image.





Sorry For the Delay…

22 04 2010

…But the NHL quarterfinals are happening and I’m a bit of a hockey nerd. I’ll have 2 awesome posts this weekend, one involving AMAZING Dorie brownies and another involving a book! A real, live book! Meanwhile, here’s Alice Cooper. And the fucking Muppets.








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