7 01 2009

El on Lo

I remember the first time I met Lauren, mainly because I thought her name was Jamie the first month or so. She was in my homeroom in 7th grade, a recent transplant to our little Virginia town. We quickly bonded over the fact that we had homeroom and English together – and, now that I think about it, not much else in common. Lauren wore t-shirts for bands I didn’t really know, was raised on MTV, was allowed to watch rated R movies and she had freckles. While none of those things has actually changed, I eventually learned about music and pop culture and sometimes get about 6 freckles on my nose if I don’t wear enough sunscreen. Over the years, Lo and I spent so much time together, we joke about sharing a brain – which would be adorable if it wasn’t so painful… We share a sense of humor so completely I forget that most people don’t think like us (but then remember…that I don’t like most people). As we’ve gotten older, it would be nice to say that we’ve matured…but I doubt most people that know us would agree with that statement. However, we both have really discovered how much we like cooking and baking, the delight that is Jim Beam, and that reading will almost always be the best way to pass the time. And because we are so completely enamored with ourselves, we decided to try and force our preferences on the world at large. So, you are welcome.

Lo on El

Elizabeth and I met about 176 years ago, while we were in 7th grade. She confused me on a daily basis because she always called me Jamie and her eyeballs were disproportionately large, due to the magnification from her enormous blind-people glasses. After realizing she would be an easy mark, I corrupted her, forcing her to listen to the rock music that the kids were into, shoving cigarettes in her mouth and lighting them, bringing dancing to our conservative town in which John Lithgow was the pastor, and making her watch hours and hours of MTV. Mostly The State. So, now we share a brain, which is odd because I still don’t understand math and Elizabeth is, like, rull good at it. Elizabeth is the funniest person you will ever meet in your life, and if you don’t laugh hard enough to pee your pants within 5 minutes of meeting her, I’ll beat you til you have kidney failure and pee yourself anyway. She enjoys reading books ALL THE TIME, watching TV when she’s not reading, and, obvy, baking and Jim Beam. Sometimes baking with Jim Beam. And sometimes baking whilst drinking Jim Beam. But always drinking and baking with me.

And, just to get to know how completely hilarious we are, a small sampling of our online chats:

Elizabeth: Just go around randomly saying “right on top of that, Rose”
Lauren: Yeah, I’ve already started.
Elizabeth: Wow, really?
Lauren: No. But you can pretend if you want.
Elizabeth: Oh, you got me all excited for nothing.
Lauren: My bad.
Elizabeth: I am labeling you a “laugh-tease”
Lauren: Maybe that’s true. But I just don’t believe in premarital laughter.

Lauren: Do you think it would be a good idea to fill red velvet cupcakes with some cream cheese icing? Or would it be too much?Elizabeth: I think it would be fine…but I don’t know if I would also frost them… Lauren: That’s what I was thinking. Hmm.Elizabeth: you could make those cake ball things Lauren: You mean, like, Mr. Schwetty’s balls?Elizabeth: kind of, but with less Alec Baldwin, unfortch. I just emailed you the link. Lauren: Hmm. I like the way you think. How can I incorporate MORE Alec Baldwin into my baking, I wonder? Elizabeth: you could make gingerbread girls and write “pig” across them in icing… Lauren: Hehehe… Elizabeth: cook everything in a microwave, since he is the VP of Television and Microwave Programming… Lauren: Oh man! What else is on your mind grapes? Elizabeth: Make 4 cakes, one of which is extremely talented, and the other 3 are kinda retarded Lauren: Christ, that’s GENIUS! Elizabeth: Can we open a bakery devoted to Alec Baldwin now? Lauren: YES! And those balls look delish! Elizabeth: That’s what she said. Lauren: Hehe.




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