The Woman Who Wouldn’t by Gene Wilder

28 05 2009

woman who wouldn't

I did a double take when I saw this spine.  GENE WILDER?  WILLY WONKA??  DR. FRANKENSTEIN???  It couldn’t be that Gene Wilder…could it?  Yes, it’s that Gene Wilder.  And this book, oh this book, is just what I would expect Gene Wilder to write.  The story of a concert violinst who goes the tiniest bit mad and is sent to recover at a health spa in the Alps where he meets a girl.  Not an incredibly complex book, but funny and sweet and beautiful with just enough melancholoy to leave your heart a little broken.  The book is barely a novella, and takes almost no time to read.  If you get the chance, do pick it up.  I’m definitely going to be on the lookout for his other novel, My French Whore, and in the meantime – enjoy my favorite Wilder scene, which is also one of my favorite movie scenes of all time.  This song haunts me…in a good way.


Molly Ringwald, Is That You??

26 05 2009
Caroline talks to me softly sometimes.....BLAINE? His name is BLAINE??

Caroline talks to me softly sometimes.....BLAINE? His name is BLAINE??

(Hint: It’s not.) No, you silly geese! It’s these bee-yoo-tee-ful cupcakes I made for my cookout I had on Sunday! The cupcake is your basic chocolate recipe. Whatever your favorite one is will do. But the icing – the ICING. My dad used to call it Marshmallow Frosting when I was little. But when I was 6, I didn’t appreciate the amazing amazingness of this frosting and would always want Duncan Hines Cream Cheese Frosting from the can with devil’s food cake. (I also preferred Chef Boyardee to any other food and thought Dave Coulier was the be-all-end-all of comedians. SHUT UP.) Ahem. Anyway, many years later, I started to appreciate the goodness that is 7 Minute Frosting, especially when I realized it would be a perfect topper for some S’more cupcakes I made for my sister’s birthday.  Because HELLO! It tastes like marshmallows! I’m sure you could put it with any kind of cupcakes your little black hearts desire, but you haven’t LIVED until you’ve tried this with some badass chocolate cupcakes. A couple of tips: make sure there are NO YOLKS in the egg whites. Also, make sure the bowl you’re working with is spinky-spanky clean. If there is ANY oil left in there, it will totally fuck up your whole jive and you’ll have to toss out that batch and start all over again.  So go on and git ta bakin’! (But seriously, pay attention to me!)

Seven Minute Frosting (adapted from America’s Test Kitchen Family Cookbook – you bettah wreck-uh-nize!)

  • 1 1/2 cups sugar
  • 2 large egg whites (NO YOLKS)
  • 6 Tbl. cold water
  • 1 1/2 Tbl. light corn syrup
  • 1/4 tsp. cream of tartar
  • pinch salt
  • 1 tsp. vanilla extract
  1. Bring a saucepan with about 2-3″ of water to a boil and lower to a simmer.
  2. Combine first 6 ingredients in a bowl to be placed over the saucepan so it is not touching the water. Start beating mixture on high with a handheld mixer (you remember those, right?) until it has quadrupled in size and starts to become shiny. This will take about (ready??) SEVEN MINUTES! (Whoa, did I just blow your mind?!)
  3. Remove bowl from saucepan, add vanilla (and food coloring if you wanna be fancy). Continue to beat on high for another 2 minutes. Use immediately!

This makes enough to frost exactly 3 dozen cupcakes and maybe a little bit more to lick the bowl.

When the Moon Hits Your Eye Like a Big Pizza Pie, That’s a Good Time to See a Doctor. Seriously. You Could be Hurt.

5 05 2009
I AM AWESOME. Well, the pizza, really. But I MADE IT.

I AM AWESOME. Well, the pizza, really. But I MADE IT.

Contrary to popular belief, I do not sit around not losing the baby weight I gained 2 and half years ago by making cookies and cupcakes. No, my friends, I have more than one way to keep on that extra 25 pounds. What is it? Pizza. From scratch.  With olive oil and mozzarella and vegetables and parmesan and OMGDROOL. My friend The Crazy Greek (she is Egon) gave me this tasty and delightfully easy pizza crust. I’m still getting over my fear of yeast-related goodies (no Monistat jokes, please and thank you), but she assured me that this was simple and I couldn’t fuck it up. Well, it was, and I didn’t. SO THERE. The beauty of it is that you can add whatever ingredients you want to the crust, garlic powder (yes please), salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, r0semary, oregano, weed (actually, don’t do that), you get the gist. For this particular dish, I added a shitload of salt and pepper and one metric butt-ton of garlic powder because I HATE VAMPIRES. So go ahead – fuck around with it. If you’re drunk enough, it’ll taste good just the same. Oh, and I’m not listing toppings here, because if you don’t know what kind of pizza you like to make, you should just leave here now. AND DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT. (I’ve always wanted to say that!)

  • 1 Tbl. honey
  • 1 packet fast-rise yeast
  • 1 cup reallllly warm water
  • 3 cups flour
  • olive oil
  • whatever else you want to toss in there
  1. Put honey and yeast together in a large bowl. Add warm water. Stir and  let sit for 10 minutes.
  2. Stir in flour and any of your add-ins.
  3. Knead for 3 minutes on floured surface. Grease up that bowl with some olive oil.
  4. Toss the dough back in the oiled bowl so the oil coats the cute little ball all over.
  5. Cover bowl with a dish towel and let rise for 45 minutes.
  6. Preheat oven to 450 and grease up a cookie sheet (or pizza pan if you’re fancy like that). Press the dough til it’s 1/4″ thick (or, if you like thick crust like I do, then make it a little thicker).
  7. Add toppings and put that sucker on the cookie sheet for about 12-15 minutes.
  8. Act like you’re better than others who are still foolishly ordering their pizza from shitholes like Papa John’s and Dominos.