Rhyme Time with El and Lo.

3 09 2009

This is what I found when I Googled "rhyme time." It's fucking Kool and the Gang, pretty much the best thing ever.

This is what I found when I Googled "rhyme time." It's fucking Kool and the Gang, pretty much the best thing ever.

Lo: Our substitute Fed Ex guy is very pretty.

El: Are you going to start calling him the FedSEX guy?

Lo: I think so.
Lo: He remembered my name!
El: Urine DeHiney?
Lauren: Um.
El: Borin’ Lauren?
You should move to a different country and introduce yourself as “Foreign Lauren”
Lo: Or adopt a foreign accent and not move.
El: hmmmmm
You should become a world-class soccer player and have the nickname “Scorin’ Lauren”
Lo: I will consider that for my next career move.
El: You should buy a pontoon boat, and open a business giving visitors a ride up and down the James River while discussing the history of the Richmond area and call yourself “Tourin’ Lauren”
Lo: Another wonderful idea!
I would also like to incorporate Pho Realz into these plans somehow, even though it doesn’t have much to do with my name.
El: You should study the movie “Cocktail” until you become a championship level bartender and compete under the name “Pourin’ Lauren”
Lo: Mmhmm. Go on…
El: You should commit a misdemeanor crime, like throwing a cellphone at a maid, and when sentenced to community service as a janitor, serve under the name “Chorin’ Lauren”
You should get yourself pregnant by former Vice President/current environmental activist Al Gore and call your fetus the “Gore In Lauren”
You should take up golf, but never become decent so you are constantly yelling “Fore” – earning the nickname “Forin’ Lauren”
Lo: These are all truly fantastic ideas.
El: You should learn how to clone yourself, making multiple selves that you keep locked in the basement, and if people ask what you are doing – tell them you are “Storin’ Lauren”
When you are especially gloomy feeling, you should refer to yourself as the “Eeyorin’ Lauren”
Lo: Mmhmm.
El: You should learn old time-y folktales, and travel the country reciting them as “Lorin’ Lauren”
You should join a fan club, and use “Adorin’ Lauren” as your screen name…or have someone start a fans of you club called “Adorin’ Lauren”
You should become a professional historical reinactor and bill yourself as “Days of Yore-in‘ Lauren”
[the barrel’s bottom is being scraped now]
Start fighting with everyone around you until they call you “Warrin’ Lauren”
Lo: Snore very loudly so I’m called Snorin’ Lauren?
El: Yes
Become a prostitute, i.e. Whorin’ Lauren
El: Participate in the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain, get trampled, lose your mind, affix bulls horns to your head and go around attacking people. You would be billed on the news as “Gorin’ Lauren”
El: Star as the lead in Shakespeare’s Othello as the “Moorin’ Lauren”
Sit on your porch all fall preparing apples for baked goods until people know you as “Corin’ Lauren”
I think I’m tapped.
Lo: That was very impressive.
El: Thank you.
Now, I want you to print that list out, and whenever you get depressed about your job/life path, look at and pick a new direction
Replace your insides with robot parts, including an opening that gives access to the batteries labeled the “Door In Lauren”
El: Next time you cry, tell people your eyes are Pourin’ Lauren
(I know that’s a double pour)
My brain is imploding
Lo: (That is really stretching it.)
I can tell.
El: FACT: Your name is very rhymey
Lo: Yours is not so much.
You could go into the soda business and call yourself Efizzabeth.
El: HA!
Lo: Start a competetive magazine to Ms. all about you and call it EMs.ibeth.
Start your own hair care line called Efrizzabeth.
Wrassle bears under the name Egrizzabeth.
Lo: Become a name in showbiz with your name Ebizabeth.
I’m tapped already.
El: Yeah, my name is teh sux
El: I blame MY PARENTS
Lo: I blame them too!
El: For oh so many things



5 responses

3 09 2009

I personally like the Shakespearan reference. Way to go, E. In unrelated but apparently related things, the ‘possibly related posts’ all contain articles about ‘The Hills’ girls (?!) Maybe it’s the booze? idk…..just saying.

4 09 2009

Holy. Shit.

29 09 2009

My sister said she wet her pants when she read this.

29 09 2009

Mission accomplished.

10 01 2010
Look’s Like We Made It « Baking, Books, Booze

[…]  We’ve shared some of our favorite recipes, biggest failures, secret shames, and ever increasing insanity.  We’ve laughed and cried and consumed more sugar and alcohol than any rational […]

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