Half-Assed Baking with the Dirtiest Sounding Name in Junk Food

10 11 2009
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Hurhurhurhur...SPUNKmeyer...hehehehehehe...(we're 12, by the way)

Many moons ago when El and I were still in high school in rural Northern Virginia, we had a friend who worked as a Subway Sandwich Artist in even more rural Northern Virginia about 15 minutes away. Not having much to do, we would travel there to loiter, drink Dr. Pepper, smoke out back with said friend, and duh, eat free food. What made this Subway hundreds of times better than our local sandwich shop (besides the fact that we wouldn’t have to pay for anything) was that they served Otis Spunkmeyer cookies. Don’t get me wrong: whatever the Subway brand is can be delicious. But you, my friend, have not lived until your friend has baked for you, for free, a fresh batch of white chocolate macademia nut cookies. Fresh made from premixed dough. My GOD, it was good.

 

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See how cute and preportioned they are?? Bite size pieces for me to EAT, UNBAKED!

Fast forward to last week, when one of our sales reps came into the office with a giant container of Otis Spunkmeyer Triple Chocolate Chunk ready-to-bake-already-preportioned cookies that he got from a customer’s kid (he only bought it because he was trying to suck up). FOR ME (not to poop on). To say I was butt-stoked to the max would be a grave understatement. Because as much as I love to bake from scratch, sometimes half-assing it is the way to go. There was no doubt in my mind that these cookies would not compare to the ATK chocolate chip cookie recipe but would still be sinfully delicious in that “haha, I cheated” sort of way. The verdict: Yummmmmmm. They’re good in that movie popcorn sort of way. If you’re like me, you miss the Liquid Death they used to put on movie popcorn before people started caring about transfats and heart attacks and shit. But you know how GOOD it was, simply because it was a terrible processed food? Yeah, that’s what these are. And for that, Otis Spunkmeyer, I salute you. (You have no idea how many times I’ve snickered every time I’ve had to type “Spunkmeyer.”) Moral of the story? Next time one of those damn kids come around trying to sell this shit, BUY IT. It will tide you over til Girl Scout season starts.

 

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Fresh out da oven! See the triple chocolate? Me neither! WOOT.

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This one was my favorite. So I ate it! As I do with most of my favorite things.

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