Lo’s Not Dead!

22 02 2010

Pretty accurate representation of what happened.

But my computer kind of died. So I bought myself a kicky new laptop and I’m back in business! Mostly. The goddamn laptop doesn’t like my camera, so I can’t show you pictures of how I spent my winter vacation. Yet. I’m still working on getting the desktop fixed so they will appear at some point. ANYWAY. Did you miss me? Yes, I know. What have I been DOING all this time, since I couldn’t update my blog OR check Facebook? GOING OUT OF MY FUCKING SKULL, THAT’S WHAT. Also, I’ve been cooking. A lot. Steak fajitas, pot roast, cookies, brownies, and, as a special treat for my Sig Ot for finally after all this time NOT getting me anything for Valentine’s Day, cinnamon rolls. From scratch. Awwwwwwwwww yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Since I am always looking to use yeast more in my baking, I thought that this would be a delicious experiment. Verdict? FUCK YEAH IT WAS. I’m not sure I can ever eat a piddly from-a-can cinnamon roll again. The Pioneer Woman has a fine looking recipe on her site, but she lives on a goddamn cattle ranch in the middle of nowhere with a kitchen I am fairly certain is the size of my entire house, and we all know I suck at fractions, so I didn’t want to fuck up her recipe by trying to whittle it down (even if you halve it, it makes 25-30). SOOOO, I turned to my old friend in the bow tie, America’s Test Kitchen. This particular recipe rules for a lot of reasons, but the main one is that it’s easy. I highly recommend starting the dough the day before. Then, after it’s all risen and assembled, cover it and stick it in the fridge. The next day all you have to do is preheat and pop ’em in. (Note: El came to visit this past weekend and I was all “Yeah! I’ll make cinnamon rolls!” and she was all “AWESOME!” and then we went out for sushi and got a little tipsy and there were naps and they never happened. ::sigh:: Next time. Right? Right.)

Cinnamon Rolls (adapted from America’s Test Kitchen Family Baking Book)


  • 3/4 cup butter milk, warm (110 degrees)
  • 6 Tbl. butter, melted and cooled
  • 3 large eggs
  • 4 1/4 cup AP flour (note: I wound up using closer to 4 1/2 cups)
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 1 envelope (or 2 1/4 tsp.) instant rise yeast
  • 1 1/4 tsp. salt
  1. Whisk the liquid ingredients together in a large liquid measuring cup (or a bowl if you aren’t fancy, like me). Combine 4 cups of the flour, sugar, yeast, and salt in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the dough hook.
  2. With the mixer on low speed, add the liquid ingredients and mix until the dough comes together, about 2 minutes.
  3. Increase the mixer speed to medium and continue mixing until dough is smooth, elastic, and coming away from the sides of the bowl (stuck to the bottom is okay). If the dough is still wonky looking after about 5 minutes, add the rest of the flour 1 tablespoon at a time until it comes together.
  4. Turn the dough out on to a floured surface and knead for about 1 minute, til it forms a ball. Put the dough into a lightly oiled bowl, cover that shit with some plastic wrap, and let it hang out somewhere warm for about 2 hours, until it’s doubled in size.
  5. Get yourself out a little 9×13″ metal pan and grease that baby up. I’d use butter if I were you. Mix up the filling:

The Filling

  • 3/4 cup light brown sugar
  • 2 tsp cinnamon (I added more, uhDOI)
  • 1/4 tsp. cloves
  • pinch salt
  • 1 Tbl. butter, melted and cooled
  1. Turn the dough out onto a floured surface and flatten into a rectangle-ish shape, about 16×12″. Brush with melted butter.
  2. Sprinkle with filling, taking care not to grab a spoon and shove it into your mouth. Leave a 3/4″ border along the top edge.
  3. Loosen the dough from the counter and start rolling into a tight log. Pinch it closed and put it seam-side down. Stretch the log out another 2″ so it’s about 18″ long. Try to even the ends out. Grab a serrated knife and start slicing. This recipe makes about 12 of these puppies, so you might want to make little marks with the knife before you fuck it all up and make too few. DON’T BE A FAILURE.
  4. Arrange the rolls cut-side down in the pan. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise for 1-1 1/2 hours. (If you’re making these the night before, refrigerate right after you arrange them in the pan and let them rise for 1-1 1/2 hours when you take them out of the fridge).
  5. Preheat oven to 350 and bake these suckers for 25-30 minutes. Revel in the fact that your house smells better than anyone else’s in your neighborhood. Unless they’re also making cinnamon rolls.
  6. While you’re waiting, make the glaze:


  • 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
  • 3 Tbl. softened cream cheese
  • 3 Tbl. milk or buttermilk
  • 1/2 tsp. vanilla
  1. Whisk together the ingredients.
  2. Pour over cinnamon rolls while still warm. ATK says to turn the rolls out on to a rack with parchment underneath, but I left ’em in the pan.

Impress your friends (unless you get drunk and forget or nap and forget) and forget about that new workout regimen you just began…




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